Evacuation!

In traffic on the fabulous 405, on my way to meet OCG for Happy Hour, the worst and most sudden abdominal pain hits me.

WTF?
It'll pass.
Ouuuuuuuuuuuu!!
Okay, it passed. Whew!
[20 seconds later]
OMG, ouuuuuuuuuu!!!

I surmise this must be what labor contractions feel like. It hits you with awesome force, subsides, then hits again. Each time the strength grows exponentially.

Being 5 miles away from our meeting place, but 25 minutes away, I started to worry... But not too much, since I've never EVER had to make "emergency landings" for bodily functions.

Ouuuuuuuuuuu!! *breaks out in cold sweat*
Omg, I think I actually have to pull off the freeway somewhere...
*complete panic sets in*

My minds goes at warp speed trying to think of the closest possible restrooms.

Now, you have to know this part of the city and freeway. 405 South, half a mile from Sunset Blvd. Bumper to bumper traffic. There are no clusters of gas stations or fast food restaurants.

Sunset's no good.
There's a gas station right off of Santa Monica.
Ouuuuuuuuuuuu!!
Wilshire! Forget Santa Monica, have to get off on Wilshire!

Got off the freeway, and frantically scanned for fast food signs.

Golden Arches on the left!!

Weaving in and out of lanes, dodging buses, I hit the red light to make a left.

'Cmon 'cmon...

Light changes and I weave around the backed up traffic that's blocking the lanes. I pull into McD's and it's an outdoor seating venue. There might be a bathroom, but you better believe you'll need to get a key or token from the order counter. F*CK!!

Across the street! There are food places!

I exit the McD's parking lot, red light to get across the street. Freak out level = 10 bazillion.

Light turns green, and I weave around the same backed up traffic that's blocking the lanes.

I get into the parking structure, find the nearest parking, and dash out of my car.

I tried, to the best of my ability, to look nonchalant when I entered the eatery, to walk at a non-frantic pace. I have no idea if it worked...