It'll all be okay...

This CNN article, entitled "Push to achieve tied to suicide in Asian-American Women", made me sad.

• Suicide second-leading cause of death for Asian-American women 15-24
• Highest suicide rate among women of any race, ethnicity for that age group
• Experts cite "model minority" expectations, family pressures as factors

It struck a core with me because I can totally relate. I'm no longer close to that danger age range, but I can certainly remember those times. The cultural pressure for academic and social-economic success. The struggling attempts to fit into the American Mainstream.

Having gone through the elementary school system in Taiwan, I can tell you that school was for learning, period. Yes, we had recess time where we played dodge ball and swung on swings, but once the bell rung, it was study time. We wore uniforms. We even went to school on Saturdays. Once a month, we had a casual/non-uniform dress day. Once a week, we cleaned our own classrooms. Yup, 8-year-olds cleaning our own classrooms with rags, brooms, mops, and buckets of soapy water. That's the way it was. I didn't go to a poor school. That's just how you were taught discipline and responsibility. Talk back or question your teacher? Unfathomable.

My parents always told me that until I have a career or married with kids, my job was to go to school. The flip side was no stress about working an after-school job to save for things like a car. Being a good student was the payment for a brand new car at sixteen. I didn't go one summer without going to Summer School.

"What else are you going to do if you don't go to school?"
"Everyone else gets to be on vacation and, you know, rest."
"Rest? You have a week before Summer School starts and 2 weeks after for that.
"Oh."

There's a concept of "saving face" in Asian culture. It's the reason you see fighting for the bill at the end of dinner between the heads of families. The reason for perfectly behaved kids in public. The reason for big named universities to be filled by Asian kids. It's pride. It's to avoid the perceived shame of being less than someone else. Some other family.

It's indescribable pressure, yes. But, since it's the life you live, you don't know any different. I can tell you that I fell prey to all the expectations and thought about suicide in my high school days.

I went to a predominantly caucasian high school. No joke, probably 95% of the school population was white. I was maybe one of 5 Asian kids in school, out of 2,000+. Yes, there were the assumptions that I was one of the "smart kids". It wasn't untrue, but I truly don't think it's genetics. It was definitely the asian culture that drove home the idea that you can never learn too much, too fast.

For example, I was introduced to algebra in the 2nd grade. It wasn't until the 7th grade that I saw it again. So, I don't think I was smarter, just a lot more was expected of me in the other school system.

I don't think I can properly describe in words how hard it was to find a balancing point. To make your parents proud by bringing home good grades, while trying to be a cool and normal sophomore in high school. It was like living 2 lives. Any attempt at bridging the 2 worlds would illicit a, "Huh? Why? I don't understand." from one side, or the other. So you keep them separate. An exhausting task.

I guess the point is to say to all my little sisters that things will get better. It'll all be okay. Look at me. Despite all the growing pains, I'm here and loving life. I want to tell these 15-24 year olds to hang on. Life gets better and is so worth living. And surprisingly, at some point you'll actually appreciate all the forced studying you did, because it is pretty cool to be smart, even if you don't think so as a teenager.

I would also tell all the parents to do their best to find balance. All things in moderation! One of my mom's friend's sons was hospitalized in a mental hospital because he didn't get accepted into his top university choice. It's so unneccessary to drive anyone to that point, much less a child you love.

Thing will all be okay, chin up and find one non-academic thing to be passionate about. And no matter what, this too shall pass. I guarantee it.